Where is the hickey?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
