I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
