11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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