So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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