I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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