just survived the first fart of the relationship.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
