it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
3 2 1 whiskey
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
