just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
