I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
