Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
