I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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