Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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