I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize