I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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