I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
