he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
