After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
