Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
