I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
