Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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