He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
