too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
