Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
