everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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