Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
