I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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