It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
