2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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