Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am one with the molecules
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
