My brain says no but my pants say off.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
