dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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