i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
