it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
