My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
