i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
