Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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