So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
