in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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