talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
