It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
