fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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