I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
