Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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