Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
