I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My vagina is very pro this idea
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