Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
