We got so high we made milksteak
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just invented taco cereal.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
