Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
