Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
