Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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