my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
