I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
