I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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