you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
