i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
