Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
