Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
