Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
