Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
