i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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