You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
