After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
