Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
either way he was missing a nipple.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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