he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
