I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
