So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
