I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
