I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
