so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we should paint friendship bongs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
