how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
