i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
