nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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