My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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