what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
